I’ve been thinking a lot about our discourse in our country and how we choose to relate to each other. Admittedly, I spend more time on social media than normal, and this is basically the bowels of human interchanges. But I think it blurs the lines on what is acceptable to say to each other, how we respond, when and whether or not we respond, and if we inject any passives aggressive tones in our in-person dealings.
What got me thinking was a post I saw someone making about people who “wear their victim hood” as a status or an identity. It really caused me to question a few things, namely:
What if someone actually is a victim of something?
What does it mean for victims who are looking for help/support, to know others think they are wearing victim hood as an identity?
What are people really saying when they imply that victim hood is a “status” and something to avoid?
The issue that people have, without saying so much, is some are tired of others getting out of personal responsibilities by claiming suffering as an excuse. If I have been through enough hard times, I can be excused from hard work like someone who hasn’t had the hard time.
Simply, we have no tolerance for struggle, and even though we say we do, we post memes about support, we post the national suicide hotline number, we also tell people to quit playing victim in the same breath. In addition, our language is so cheap, we can’t just say this, so we blame others for their hard times.
It’s fair for one well person to expect the next well person to be held to the same accountability in life. But the issue is, actually, I don’t think many of us are well. And generations of gaslighting our children has manifested into this behemoth issue, as we all foist on the toxicity of our parents onto each other in a public forum. Enter Facebook comments. And we are teaching our children to do the same.
It’s not just my own parents who said, “…are you bleeding, is anything broken?… then go out and play and don’t come back inside.” It’s not just my parents who said, “…you don’t look/sound sick to me…”, or, “…you have to just suck it up and keep going…”, and, “…that’s not how it happened… and look at you, you turned out just fine.”
It’s all of our parents. As a result, any conversation about mental health in our country is met with political drivel about gun control, etc. People walk around, thinking they’re “just fine”, and they really aren’t. But they can’t tell, and they’ve no tolerance for anyone else who reaches out for help.
Suck it up and stop using your victimhood as an identity.
I’m here to try to change that in my little world. I’m making space for a different conversation. After being diagnosed with post partum PTSD and General Anxiety Disorder, and putting myself through therapy to help me deal with these issues, I’m here to validate: I didn’t ask to be made a victim. I don’t identify as my illness. My illness is real, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation into how I got here. My health is my own and I can get better. Society is sick, society needs cognitive processing therapy, too! And as such, no one gets to tell me anything, or put me down because they think they’re better.
Just because a person doesn’t know they’re toxic doesn’t mean they’re not, in fact, spreading their mental germs everywhere. And as people who have been through things, and as people who are legitimately struggling, we cannot be bullied by the ones who won’t get help.
If you are struggling, I hear you. I believe you. I’m with you. And there will be people who don’t cheer you on, they’re just surprised to see you haven’t quit yet. It’s okay to own the struggle. That’s what makes us authentic. And if you want to feel better, the first step is to reach out.
I know how hard it is to reach out and not have hands to grab yours. My hand was ultimately grabbed… and my wellness plan, and not my illness, gets to define me.
To all moms having a hard day, week, month, or extended period- I’m thinking of you and sending love your way through he cosmos. You aren’t a victim, you’re surviving. And you aren’t weak for struggling, you’re normal. Block out the cheap talk from the keyboard warriors of the world. You are amazing.
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