The Stay and Work at Home Mom Blog

As much as I expected to be able to blog more frequently, life happens and throws my plans into a tumbler. As such, we made a sudden decision to come see my father in law after receiving news that the cancer he was battling had spread. Not just spread, but rapidly.

Within a two week period, my father in law went from recovering at a rehabilitation facility after losing feeling in his legs, to the ER with pneumonia and a bladder infection, to his cancer and spread to his spine, and his brain. We made the quick decision to drive up to Stamford, CT from Charleston, SC. It was an awful trip. Our original plan to come up for Christmas was now to come as soon as we could, because his quality of life would only diminish from that point. And the elephant in the room was the question begging to be asked: would he even make it until then, anyway? His prognosis was six months, at best.

Our trip down was as awful as one could imagine, starting with screaming baby and stuck in traffic. We stopped at a terrible restaurant to eat, we didn’t have much choice in the matter- we needed to stop because the kids needed a break. We ate terrible food and regretted it pretty quickly. My poor sweet 4 year old became violently ill just a couple hours later. We pulled over for gas and she began throwing up, and just wouldn’t stop. We pulled her out of the car- it was dark- and she ended up getting her feet bitten by ants… while throwing up.

We tried to hunker down for the night but she continued to wake up and throw up. The risk of dehydration was now very real and we made the decision to go to the emergency room. Google thought it would be funny to send us to the wrong location. For those of you going through North Carolina, there is no Durham’s Children’s Hospital. After a frantic call to 911, we were guided to the correct hospital and then she was treated for her nausea and also a UTI. Because, of course. She also couldn’t just take the Zofran, but continued to throw up until they eventually just put it in via IV.

During this time, while I was up with the kids, the nurses were amazing and let my husband catch some sleep in an empty room. They were amazingly kind and gracious and accommodating, and that bit of sleep helped him push the rest of the drive home.

Thank the gods, after being up most of the night, the kids slept during the day for the most of the remaining drive. The rest of the drive also was largely easy.

We arrived Saturday afternoon. We spent the next Sunday and Monday talking to dad, while he was still in a good state of mind and feeling like conversation. He was able to meet his youngest grand baby, and the last one in this family, as all the women are done with babies. Dad was delighted to have Felix, and Felix is such a happy baby, just the thing to warm dad’s heart before he left.

Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep, very early Tuesday morning. We feel that once we arrived, and dad had his whole family up here with him, he could just let go and pass away comfortably. My husband had gotten up around 3am to check on his dad, who was breathing and sleeping. Around 6am, he had gotten up again to use the bathroom, but was unsure if he could see his dad breathing. He came and woke me up, and I checked dad. He was gone.

A man like my father in law deserved to go that way. He didn’t drag out in suffering. His whole family was around him and adored him. He feared becoming an invalid and dependent upon his wife, and he died in his sleep before he became too much for one person to handle.

No one wants to get at his things. No one wants to cash in. No one wants to argue over mementos. Dad was kind and caring and his family would rather spend time pouring over memories. There are so many happy and funny stories. So many people have such kind words, about a man who lived a very full life.

His legacy is one we should all hope for. Not one of money and things divvied up in a will. But of love and strong bonds, happy tears with the sad ones. He left us all looking for signs that he is still with us, so we can feel closer to him. That’s certainly worth more than any inheritance.

I look at my sweet baby, whose middle name is shared with my father-in-law’s beloved stepfather, and hope that I will see signs of Chuck in my son. My husband didn’t fall far from dad’s tree, and it will be a joyful thing to tell Felix about his grampa. And so goes life. We move forward, we look forward to seeing the ones who passed before us, when it’s our turn. It’ll be a happy thing, for sure, to see dad again.