When I Can’t Sleep

I have been so busy lately with work that I haven’t taken the time to post anything. I have the day off today, and my daughter snoozes away, and while I’m tired, I can’t knock out.

People say, sleep when the baby sleeps. It sounds like good advice. But you know, the minute I lay down, I have to go to the bathroom. And then I’m thirsty. And then I have a coughing fit. And then I have to get up and run to the bathroom before I let the little drop escape that comes with coughing fits. Then I lie back down with my girl and close my eyes. And my mind wanders. And her snoring makes me focus on her breathing. And my mind wanders more. And I remember that thing I was going to google, so I do that real fast. But then something else comes up that leaves me on a wild goose chase google search for something else. Then I have to go to the bathroom again. By the time I am actually ready to close my eyes and fall off, she is starting to wake up and want to nurse. So much for my nap.

Her naps are changing though – teetering between one and two a day. She has mostly had one nap a day in the past few weeks, with the exception of a couple days. She also sleeps for 2.5-3 hours a clip, so this is starting to leave me with the ability to catch some Z’s.

It’s a weird feeling, having time off. Since I work when she sleeps, and have been very busy for weeks, it’s almost like the feeling of missing something. Like going commando – not wearing underwear with your pants. That adds to the problem of falling asleep. Feeling like I should be doing something else. I think in our society and our weird sleep issues, it’s an odd thing to nap in the middle of the day. People don’t even care. But when you do it, it feels like they care. Like skipping school. Only they don’t really think that. Weird, right?

So I talk myself down and think it’s just fine to want some snoozes. And sometimes you know, I get caught up in the fact that my daughter is getting bigger. We aren’t going to have this forever. I have worn her for almost every nap in her life. Soon, she won’t be napping anymore. And I just want to drink in her preciousness. I want to remember her eyelashes on her cheeks and her smell and the sound of her exhaling. So maybe I don’t need sleep. I can just watch her sleep as her body rises and falls from my breathing.

Offspring are intoxicating.


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